


Back To A Place You Once Knew

by Litsetaure



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Dementors, Hopeful-ish ending??, Hurt/Comfort, I cried a bit writing this, M/M, The Ministry of Magic are dicks, the final duel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 08:59:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18385214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Litsetaure/pseuds/Litsetaure
Summary: It’s been nearly fifty years since Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald have seen each other. Where they were once closer than anyone could imagine, now they stand against each other. But how much has truly changed for them?





	Back To A Place You Once Knew

**Author's Note:**

> Whew! Here’s my take on the final 1945 duel. I must admit, this one was tough to write and I’m still not entirely certain how I feel about it. Still, I hope you enjoy it!

It was not that Albus had never known that this day would come. On the contrary, from the moment that Newt had held up the blood pact almost twenty years ago, he had known that this confrontation would be inevitable. He had tried to deny it, of course, caught between what he knew only too well to be right, and the memory of that glorious summer so many years before. At the same time, he had bitterly resented - no, he had hated - the knowledge that such a duty should fall to him, though he would never admit to having such feelings, not to anyone.

And yet, he could not deny, however much he tried to, even that was a lie. There was one person to whom he might have confessed such thoughts, one person who might understand. But that one person, the only one who had ever made him feel completely accepted, as though he never had to be anyone except who he was - well, he was the one person Albus could never go to, the one person he could never have.

He was the man Albus had to stop, no matter what the cost.

But he was also the man Albus still longed for more than anything.

In public, of course, and in front of the Ministry, Albus was acutely aware of his position where Gellert Grindelwald was concerned. He put his calm politician’s mask on, buried his feelings beneath it, and spread the assurances that he wanted the man stopped as much as they did. If it was pointed out to him that he was the only wizard alive who could be considered Gellert’s equal, he promised that he would do what he knew to be right, that he would not let them down. Even that it was for the greater good.

But in private, when he was alone, no one could know his thoughts. The words he spoke to the people turned to ash in his throat, choking him until he was nearly sick. He despised being reduced to nothing more than a pawn for the establishment, waiting on the front lines, ready to be sacrificed for their cause. But more than that, he despised himself, knowing that every word he spoke was a truth spun of so many lies. He might indeed say that he wished to act in the best interests of the wizarding world. He might even admit that Gellert had to be stopped while he still could be. 

All of these things he knew was true.

But deep in Albus’ own heart, deep in his very soul, that was where the secrets hid. The hours he would spend gazing into the Mirror of Erised, the pendant, the token of their troth, clasped in his hands with all the reverence a nun might have as she held her rosary. And then there were the nights when he would lie in bed, his head filled with dreams - no, not dreams, but memories. Memories of a laughing boy, his golden-haired Achilles, taking him by the hand and leading him on a journey from which they were destined to never return. Memories of strong arms holding him, of rose-petal soft words whispered in his ear, of plans being made, of gentle kisses shared under the pale light of the moon, of hopes and dreams so brutally shattered. Those were the nights when he would wake up shivering in pain, tears flooding his eyes and a desperate plea on his lips that would never be answered.

Still, he was honest enough to admit, to himself at least, that he had been putting off this day for longer than he should have. At first he told himself that it was because he had not been able to find a way to make it so they could face each other. He had no desire at all to fully break their troth, only to remove the binding that prevented them from fighting each other. But after time, after examining and rejecting one method after another, he had been forced to concede that, in spite of everything, he still had hope. Hope that the boy he had known was still there somewhere and hope that, somehow, Albus could bring him back to his side. He was all too aware that, even as they became more and more violent, Gellert’s ideas called out to him just as much as they alarmed him, just as they had once inflamed the lonely and stifled boy he himself had been.

If it had been left up to him, he might have tried to find a way for it to never have come to this, but, sadly, it was not. The authorities had finally grown tired of words failing to be supported by actions - a surprising shift in their stance, Albus often thought - and had taken it upon themselves to force Albus’ hand. This time, none of the pleas and assurances in the world had been enough to placate them and he was forced to watch, powerless, as a stern-faced Auror had spoken the spell to tear apart the bond that had endured for so long, utterly indifferent to the anguished cries that tore through Albus’ head - cries that he knew were not his alone.

 _Don’t_ _make_ _me_ , he had cried out, almost blinded by tears, but unable to look away. _Please_ , _no_ , _not_ _that_ , _I’ll_ do _anything_...

But there was no reasoning with them. They had come with work to do and, for better or for worse, they would always see it done - for their greater good.

But even as Albus, finally worn down and silently aching, stepped out to face the other man, to fight a duel that he knew would dictate the future of witches and wizards everywhere, he was certain of one thing. The Ministry’s ‘greater good’ was not his.

It never would be his.

~*~

The fight had raged for hours, even through the screeching storm, the two most powerful wizards in the world matching each other spell for spell, shield for shield. Neither man was willing to yield an inch to the other, even as their movements might slow down and hints of fatigue might cross their faces.

To anyone watching, Albus thought he must look like some kind of avenging angel. They would almost be able to see his magic coursing wildly through him, filling him with power and adrenaline, urging him to vanquish his enemy, to stand over him triumphant, the glow of victory setting him alight.

That would be what they expected of him. But they would never be able to look further, never see what was truly in his heart. They would never know how he felt as though he was wavering on the edge every time he looked up and saw Gellert’s face, strong, fierce and resolute as the lightning crashed around him. They would never understand how the wild wind whipping through his hair and the rain stinging at his eyes felt like knives lashing at him, leaving him bleeding from a thousand cuts.

But he did not fear the pain, did not flinch away from it. Instead, he accepted it, welcomed it, even revelled in it. It rushed through him, burning away his inhibitions, encouraging him to keep fighting. He deserved it too; every beat that hit his body, every spell that whipped his skin, all of it was justified. But he knew better than to give into it. He knew that, now that all other choices had been ripped from him, Gellert had come for a fight. It was the least he deserved, Albus knew, and, if it came to it, they would die as they had lived - bright, beautiful, but most importantly, together.

He had been so focused on his opponent - he could never truly call him his enemy, no matter what had happened - that it was a moment before he realised that something had changed in the atmosphere. The rain still poured over them, but the wind had been blown away and the lightning was extinguished. Even the churning thunder had been silenced, leaving behind a thick and bitter nothingness. The very flashes of light from their wands were also muted in the darkness. It wrapped itself around Albus, cold and unrelenting, forcing him to his knees on the soaked ground. He hardly dared to look up, knowing exactly what he would see if he did. 

Even as the devastatingly familiar chill started to overwhelm him, Albus knew, somehow, that he had to try. He had to at least not give in straight away. He could not let it be known how easy it would be to fall away, how much he wished to let himself drown in that icy ocean of sorrow.

But the moment he lifted his arm to try and cast the spell, he knew it was no good. He had not been able to perform the charm, to summon more than the meagrest whimper of dull silver, for almost fifty years. It was not that he had no memories of being happy in his life, only that the recollections of such times were hidden. Buried, even - buried underneath angry words, flashes of violent spells and cries of anguish that not even the song of a phoenix could soothe.

He felt his grip on his wand slacken and it fell out of his hand and landed on the ground with an echo that made his bones tremble. But he no longer cared. Nothing seemed to matter any more, everything just hurt too much. He was trapped in a swirling vortex of stifling despair and shattering anger, with no desire left to fight it, even if he could do so. He closed his eyes, ready and waiting to give himself up, to let himself be taken away.

Except that the darkness seemed to be receding. The silence was breaking as the wind began to spring up again, this time feeling wonderfully fresh as it burst through Albus’ hair. He blinked and looked around, confusion penetrating through the freezing fog in his mind. At first, all he could see was the outline of a tall figure dressed in dark clothes and swaying a little in front of him, wand pointed straight towards the sky. But when he looked up further, he saw something shining bright and silver above both their heads, making the dark horde of Dementors cower back in fear.

Albus could make nothing of it at first. It was a Patronus, that much he could tell, but its form continued to elude him, swimming indistinctly before his eyes. And yet, the longer he watched it, the more he thought he felt it reaching out to him, as though its protection was somehow meant for him, and for him alone.

Feeling new life breathe its way into his limbs and send the lingering chills melting away, Albus pulled himself carefully to his feet again. He continued to stare at the Patronus as his vision slowly began to clear. But what he saw, as the mist finally died away, almost sent him falling straight back to the ground in shock.

Because he knew that shape. He knew every inch of it.

_~*~_

_Albus laughed and shook his head. “No, no, you go first,” he insisted. “That is, if you think you can do it.”_

_Gellert’s eyes snapped and twinkled intriguingly. “All right, but remember, you did ask for it. Prepare to be impressed” He closed his eyes, an expression of utter bliss crossing his face, almost lighting him up. He raised his wand and, in a voice filled with laughter, cried out, “Expecto Patronum!”_

_An enormous burst of silver cascaded from his wand, twisting through the darkening sky and coalescing into the shape of a shining dragon - a Chinese Fireball, if Albus was not mistaken. His breath caught in his throat as he watched the creature take flight and soar through the air, its sharply spiked fringe appearing to wave as though it was caught in an invisible breeze, before finally returning to earth and waiting, apparently docile, though it seemed to spark gold and red around the edges, as though it was aflame._

_Gellert smirked. “Well?”_

_“That,” Albus fought for words for a second, “was incredible. He’s absolutely beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Patronus quite like him.”_

_“Of that I have no doubt,” said Gellert, the smugness of his expression mirrored by his dragon. “Now, I showed you mine, time for you to show me yours.”_

_This time, it was Albus’ turn to grin as he focused his mind on the happiest moment of his life, remembering the warmth and safety of the embrace, the joy at being wanted and, most of all, the amazement at being fully and truly understood._

_He didn’t even hear himself call out the spell before he saw his familiar phoenix burst from his wand, his wings sending showers of crimson and gold over them as he hovered above their heads._

_Gellert’s eyes were wide with shock. “No way,” he whispered, staring, transfixed, at the majestic animals. “It can’t be. It can’t be...can it?”_

_Albus’ forehead creased at the mixture of confusion, awe and even the faint hint of hope in the other boy’s voice. “What? What is it?”_

_Gellert blinked. “Don’t go anywhere.” He raced back into Bathilda’s house, returning a moment later turning the pages of an old book, his face flushed and almost feverish with anticipation. “Albus,” he stuttered eventually, “do you...do you know what this means?”_

_“Err, no,” Albus admitted, squinting at the book and noticing that it was about Chinese mythology. “Gellert, what’s wrong?”  
_

_“What? No!” Gellert shook his head, suddenly smiling. “No, nothing’s wrong.” He grasped Albus’ arm and almost threw the book under his nose in his excitement. “Look. Read this.”_

_~*~_

He had hardly known what to think when he had read the faded words on the page. Not because he didn’t understand them, but because he had never thought he could believe in such a thing.

Soulmates. An eternal and powerful love. It was the sort of thing Albus had thought he would only ever be able to dream about, never something that could be his. But on looking up and seeing the excited flush on Gellert’s face, the smile that lit up his eyes and feeling the warmth of their clasped hands, he had realised something extraordinary. Those dreams were right in front of him, looking back at him, mirrored in those incandescent creatures that almost seemed to smile at them. He had not dared to try and resist and closed his eyes, hearing Gellert’s own words brush over him, caressing his heart and healing his soul.

 _“I have_ _often wondered about such things as soulmates, but, like you, I never thought I might have one myself. For once, I am not ashamed to_   _have_ _been_ _proven_ _wrong.”_

He had then drawn Albus towards him, holding him in his arms as they both watched, entranced, as the two beautiful creatures encircled them, showering them both in a peaceful moon-like glow.

After everything that had happened, Albus had never in his life dreamed that he would see that dragon again, whether he encountered Gellert or not. He had heard of someone’s Patronus changing form when they found themselves a great love, and he had been so certain that Gellert’s Patronus could never stay as it had been, not when their parting had been so harsh. And yet, there it was, just as bright and beautiful as always, still edged with that same stunning fire.

It gave Albus the courage to finally straighten up and look Gellert directly in the face again. He had to try to understand, had to know what this could possibly mean, even after all this time. More importantly, he had to understand why. Why, after so long, after everything he had done, would Gellert do something like this?

Apparently, however, the question was one Gellert had anticipated before it had even been voiced, because he shook his head almost sadly. “You know why,” he said, placing his hand at Albus’ back. “You have only forced yourself to forget. But think, Albus. Look back. Remember again.”

  _~*~_

_Gellert ran his fingers through his blonde curls. “I would ask you to come with me, but,” he barked out a laugh, “well, I suppose we both know what the answer would be.”_

_Albus kept his gaze fixed on the silver pendant at his lover’s neck, knowing that if he tried to look into those piercing eyes, he’d lose it completely. “Yes, we do,” he agreed, hating the hitch in his breath._

_“But if you wanted to -“_

_“Don’t. Don’t ask me that.” Anger was burning inside him, but still warring with that sickening, tearing pain in his heart as he tried to pull away from him. “Just go. Don’t make this any worse than it already is.”_

_“Will you not even look at me first?”_

_Merlin, and he’d had to ask it so gently, hadn’t he? How could anyone resist him? “Please go,” Albus whispered, hating that weakness that forced him to look into those eyes, hating the voice in his head begging him to pull the other boy towards him and never let him walk away, and most of all hating that he had to make this decision in the first place._

_A flash of anguish crossed Gellert’s face, but he nodded. “All right, all right. But first, there is one thing I need you to know.” He framed Albus’s face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together, his mismatched eyes fixed on Albus’s misty blue ones. “Whatever happens between us, wherever we end up, I promise you now that, while there is still life in my body, there will always be someone, somewhere, who loves you.”_

_Albus’s eyes fluttered closed as the words reached him and he shivered at the soft touch of Gellert’s thumb stroking his cheek and the quiet ghost of a kiss covering his lips, little more than a whisper, a promise of a love that would always live on, a wish for what might have been..._

_But when he managed to open his eyes again, he was alone. The only sound was the summer breeze blowing lightly through the open door, as though no one but him had been there at all._

_Albus felt his legs give way, sending him falling to the floor even as he grabbed onto the doorframe. He almost could not breathe through the agony bursting through his heart at the one person who had ever made him feel...worth something, who had ever made him even feel wanted, just walking out of his life._

_And when the tears began to fall, he never once tried to stop them._

_~*~_

He could once again feel tears running unchecked down his face, only this time they were mixed in with the streaming rainfall. But, though he knew he should, this time he could not tear himself away. It had been too long since anyone had looked at him with such tenderness. Too long since he had been held like this, been allowed to feel so safe and protected.

So _loved_.

In the years that followed, Albus would never be able to say who had moved first. All he knew was that, without him realising it, they were caught in each other’s frantic embrace, coming together with a fierce and desperate kiss. His heart soared in the air to meet the swirling dragon, flying on the wings of something he had thought lost for so long.

Somehow, it seemed as though no time had passed between them. When Albus closed his eyes, he could see them together, young and bright, so full of hopes and dreams. They were ready to tear the world apart and build a new one, beautiful and brave, in its place. He clung to that memory, let it embrace him, embrace them both, so that they might just be able to take a moment. One more moment to allow themselves to look back with joy rather than with anger. To think of what the world could have been, what they could have made it together, though they both know it could not last forever.

When they finally drew apart again, Gellert was watching him, tears also shining in his eyes, even as he was smiling. “You understand,” he gasped. “You remembered.”

Albus nodded, grasping his arm. “Even now, after all this time...” his voice cracked a little. “Gellert, did...did you - _do_ you - mean it?”

“As I meant every single word I ever said to you,” Gellert affirmed. “Albus, I swear -” but suddenly he stumbled and fell against Albus, almost collapsing in his arms.

Albus’ stomach dropped and he swore quietly. “Merlin, Gellert, what’s happened to you?” he breathed, though he knew exactly what had happened. Shaking away the last vestiges of that heavenly warmth, he eased them both onto the wet ground, pulling Gellert towards him and holding him against his chest. He didn’t need to be a genius to know what had happened, to understand exactly what the other man had just done.

Gellert’s eyes flickered back to him, suddenly rimmed with exhaustion. “Well,” he murmured, a flicker of the old sarcasm returning to his voice, “this is when it comes, I suppose.”

“What?” Albus shook himself and stared at Gellert. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, Albus.” Gellert huffed out a laugh. “Just do it. We both know that is what you were expected to do, why you came for me.”

“No.” Albus shook his head as he realised what Gellert was implying. “No, don’t you dare. You are not going to leave me now, not after you’ve just saved my life!”

Gellert smiled, almost sadly. “And if that is to be my last act, then I will gladly accept it.” He caught Albus’ hand and dropped the Elder Wand straight into it. “Do it. Do it now.”

Albus swallowed hard, staring at the wand in his hand. The wand they had coveted as boys. The wand that was now pressed against Gellert’s throat. He could almost feel its power, just waiting for him, expecting him to say the words. To finish off the job he had started all those years ago.

It would be the right thing to do, he knew it. And how he would be loved for it. He could almost see it now; their enemy vanquished, left to rot while Albus himself was granted a hero’s welcome.

The thought made him shudder with nausea and he pulled the wand away from Gellert’s throat, tossing it aside.

“No,” he said.

“Pardon?” Gellert blinked. “But...but you won the wand. You defeated me. You know that.”

“I will take the wand,” continued Albus. “But I will not kill you. I will not make you a martyr to your cause, Gellert. Nor will I make myself a hero, since we both know it is not a title I would deserve. Not for this.”

 _Another_ _set of_   _lies_ , his conscience taunted him, sounding suspiciously like the man lying in his arms. _You know only too well the real reason_   _why you can’t do this. But you can’t let yourself face it again, can you? You can’t stop hiding. For all his faults, at least he was always honest with you._  

It was true, and Albus knew it. All of it was true. The words, those final words that Gellert had spoken to him all those years ago, the words that had allowed him to sacrifice the last of his strength to protect Albus, still echoed through his head, as bright as the dragon that still soared above them, his power never waning, even as his caster lay exhausted and defeated on the ground.

” _There will always be someone, somewhere, who loves you.”_  

Albus forced himself not to dwell too much on that for now. There was an important question he knew he had to ask, even though he was sure he would not like the answer. “You said before that you only carried one regret in your life,” he said slowly.

“I do,” answered Gellert. “But it never was, never has been and never will be, loving you.” He looked up, his smile turning bitter and tired. “It was only ever that I lost you.”

“Oh.” The gasp escaped him before he could stop it, and Albus cursed his traitorous heart. He should not feel so relieved hearing that, not when Gellert had done so many horrifying things, not when so many people had died because of him.

Apparently, his thoughts were showing on his face, because Gellert shook his head and laughed weakly. “I do not regret what I have done,” he said. “I will not say I always took pleasure in it, but I do not regret it. Things need to change, Albus. The world cannot go on as it has done. We cannot go on as we have done for too long.”

Albus sighed. “And if you had left it at that, I would have been right there, fighting beside you. It was never your message that I objected to, Gellert. Because you’re right. Things do need to change. Just not like this.”

Gellert snorted. “You thought it could be done with peace alone? Albus, don’t be a fool. That was never going to happen.”

“I know,” said Albus. “But it should never have gone so far. Especially after -” but even now he could not say her name. He swallowed hard and looked away, fixing his eyes on the silver dragon, still soaring high above their heads, watching them, even protecting them. 

A cool hand caught the side of his face, turning him around to face Gellert, who was now watching him with a gentleness Albus had not seen in nearly fifty years. His breath hitched in his throat and he opened his mouth to speak, but Gellert shook his head. “Albus,” he whispered, “if I could tell you for sure that it was not you...if I could say it with any certainty...”

Albus half-closed his eyes and nodded. He did not need to hear the rest to understand. Instead, he turned his attention back to the Elder Wand, still lying almost innocently on the ground. He picked it up and studied it, once again torn between fascination and excitement at holding such a historical object, while at the same time wanting to cast it away and reject the untamed power he knew flowed through it.

To all intents and purposes, he knew that Gellert had been right. Albus had beaten him fairly. He had won the duel, won the wand with it. But, as the rain continued to soak them both, he felt as though he had lost the war.

“I didn’t want it to end this way,” he admitted quietly.

“I know,” said Gellert. “But it was always going to happen while those idiots at the Ministry were in charge. I knew they would force your hand one day, Albus.” He brushed Albus’ drenched hair away from his eyes, his fingers trembling. “I know how much it hurt to do what you did.”

Albus shivered and reached into his pocket, pulling out the shattered remains of their troth. It hurt to look at them now, worse than it had before it had been broken, as though all their hopes and dreams had been ripped apart.

Gellert saw him staring at it and shook his head. “No.” He took Albus’ hand and closed it around the pendant. “Keep it, Albus. Keep it so you will always have a way to look back and remember, but also so you will always know you are not alone.” He coughed and kissed Albus’ knuckles. “And promise me that you will make things better. Make the world safer for us, for all of us. Make that your greater good.”

 _My greater good._  For the first time, Albus smiled at the words. “I promise.” 


End file.
